Weekly Discussion: November 26, 2007
Disappointments
How does the average person handle them? What can we do to change them? As you see, this is not what I had started...well it seems disappointment struck and in such a weird way.
I had started a nice guided meditational walk or was it ride with the Gryphons. Well the first couple of directions I had written in a specific notebook just disappeared. Vanished! I was bummed, but so much of this year has been like that, so I decided to write this all out.
Since Crow has had my attention alot lately; including giving me many feathers of which are going to be made into a work fan, I figured something was up, but I still felt the undercurrent of unease and disappointment.
Crow Medicine has a couple major aspects. It is the animal of Law, but it is also like Coyote, a trickster. (I wonder how many know Coyote is also monster killer besides trickster ;)..) People who carry Crow Medicine, I once read have forgotten more then most people know. (Interesting eh?)
I have for the most part of my life been a free flowing person, a free and wild spirit. Disappointments were something to shrug off and a different way to do things found. This year though the free spirit got stopped in her tracks.
I got back from Arizona and I found my snake Shadow dead, my cats without food and water and the young lady who was supposed to watch them had barely been there. She had some of the crud going around at the time. I found messages on my phone. My sisters were looking for me. Mom was really sick and loosing the battle with her health and weight. She was around 500 pounds when she crossed the veil.Nothing seemed to work right after the rushed trip to California, to bury my mom. I came back to cats with out again and the slump I had been in the first time deepened.
No dears, I didn't say much because I didn't know what to say. I did listen to a friend though and something good came out of that, but again not without it's own disappointments.The women's group that I've started is picking up. I have a very wonderful partner who has brought a very cute pumpkin pie colored Pomeranian into our family, but still it seems all this year I have been on the edge of tears.
My heart is happy and full in one way, but very sad and longing in another.
The wanting to be in AZ at this point and time hurts so much and I still have trouble thinking I will still be here doing the same things this time next year. There is a mountain lion calling to family and I'm here not there. The mountains are calling to me so loudly and yet to get my finances ready for the family to move means I have to wait here til '09. *SIGH* Oh well I will be getting the half sleeve tattoo finished.
So now how to finish working out the rest of the disappointments. What should I channel the energy of my tears and crying heart into doing that it will start laughing again? To that end, I'll be able to see alternative ways to do things again?
Well, I did mention the local group, there is the Pagan groups as well. But
I'm thinking there really needs to be something special. Maybe making sure
there is a safe place for GLBT (especially the Trans folks)and maybe setting
the proper kind of counseling for them and families. Maybe see if there is
a PFLAG group and work with them
on Trans issues. (I know quite a few trans folks as well as the way I live
I am in a sub-group of being trans) These are thing that I see lacking in
the over all community that I live in at this time.
So what would you do? How would you deal with that intense kind of hurt?How
would you keep focused?
- Gryph
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