Hearthwitch:
** I bet we could make up our own version, the legend of the Witchgrove vampire!**
And so we did. The following is a composit story written by the members of Witchgrove (though if you're looking for blame, look pointedly at Mab, Georgia, Anna, Seren Lleuad and Hearthwitch). A complaint was heard from two Grove members - Laurie decrying the lack of sexual tension which should under pin ALL great vampire stories; and Branny stating that regardless of what web-site listing Dutch swearwords tell us, she doesn't say things like that in real life...
Above the forest sits a granite mountain, sparsely grey, overlooking the bright lights of the Witchgrove down below. Occasionally, when the wind turns, snatches of music float up and the vampire hears it; she lifts her nose to the breeze and smells the scent of hot, Witchgrove blood.
Enough! The vampire thought, leaping down from its rocky outcrop, I need to feast!
Down in the Grove, the campfire spat and flamed, while up above, Anna gave a speech on 'Tyr and his Importance in the Workplace'. Pixie wandered through the assembled Grovers, ladling macaroni cheese into their proffered wooden bowls, while Colette and Bex arranged candles to light the scene. Beside them, the brook bubbled on, carrying its paper ships of inspiration along on its course out to the dreamtime, and the forest grew dark.
'We can link many an employer with Fenris...' said Anna, then stopped as something tingled in the air. Glancing across the Grove, she noticed that many of the people had frozen, feeling danger, or were reaching for athames, wands, swords or lightsabres. They were all obviously feeling what she was feeling. "Mab!" Anna yelled. "A £2 plastic lightsabre isn't going to help here. Put it away now."
"Zoooooooomp...........zooooooooomp.........." replied Mab, whose lightsabre didn't make the requisite noises.
Saoirse stood and made her way over to the podium,
"Anna, I can feel something in the forest. What are you getting?"
"Me too. Ok..." She raised her voice. "Ok! 'Tyr in the Workplace' is cancelled for the moment. Something is up. Can anyone feel it?"
As if in response, a gunshot rang out across the clearing. It was Georgia, with her .45 trained on the gap between the oak and the yew tree.
"What the...?!" Cerr emerged from her tent with William screaming in her arms. "What's happening?"
Georgia called across,
"Ah saw a vampire in the forest and it had Hearthwitch. Ah do declare
I got it in the leg."
"Did it release Hearthwitch?" Cerr asked, handing William to Frenchie, prising Elen from her skirt, and reaching for her athame.
"No, but Celtic Wolf Nightwalker is an expert in these matters, shall I get her?"
"No, her computer's down, so she's resting. We can save Hearthwitch ourselves."
All around the Grove people stood ready to save their fellow witch, just waiting on the plan; when from the forest came a heart-rending scream, which pierced the air and sent their blood cold.
All around the Grove people stood ready to save their fellow witch, just waiting on the plan; when from the forest came a heart-rending scream, which pierced the air and sent their blood cold.
The scream came from around The Denver Clan hut which was settled deep in the woods near the babbling brook. Those Denver people like to be hidden away from everyone. Instinctively everyone picked up their weapons of choice including Mab's light saber and ran to the tent.
As the crowd got closer to the tent Pixie walked out of the hut with her eyes rolling and said, "It's alright folks.. Bella just burned herself with the curling iron again. Anyone have some ice?"
The group dropped their athames and light sabers and looked around for ice. As they looked, a very impatient Georgia yelled from the other side of the woods, "While ya'll are looking for ice you might wanna decide what we're going to do with this bloody vampire and how we plan to save Hearthwitch!"
"Ok!" said Aella, quite overcome by the scare with Bella. "I think I'd better put the kettle on."
All the Britgrovers nodded sagely, leading the way back to their tent.
Aud noticed the startled expressions on the faces of the rest of the
Grove,
"It's ok!" She added, "We've got coffee as well!"
"But... but..." Ivy ran in front of them. "This is a crisis, how can you think of cups of tea at a time like this?!"
"Ivy!" Ocean intervened. "It's useless. I have lived in England for years now, I know. The British are hotwired to think like this. They think crisis and immediately make a pot of tea. Millions of them die every year because in any emergency they have to stop first to boil the kettle."
"Hence Boston Harbour, how else do you think we won the..." Anna started, but Minerva Ravenwing interupted her.
"I've chopped some stakes. Everyone grab one. We'll save Hearthwitch, I swear we'll never lose a Grover again!"
Branny ran to grab a stake,
"Vampire, je moet mij niet dissen, kakzuiger." She hissed, tooled up
like a Buffy Terminator running into the forest.
Georgia cocked her .45, raising her hands to the skies,
"As Aine is my witness it's not going to lick me! I'm going to live
through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No!
Nor any of my folk! If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill; as
Morrighan is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!"
"Hungry?" asked Osran, reaching for a stake. "Ok, people! Let's do this!"
As one, they ran into the forest, brandishing their weapons of choice, their teacups and trailing their deities behind them.
Seren starting screaming after them,
"WHAT A MINUTE!! WE DON'T KNOW WHAT
SORT OF VAMPIRE IT IS!!!"
Everyone stopped in their tracks and turned around. Georgia muttered something about, "There she goes thinking she's Giles again', but the Grovers came back with Dieties in hand and started to research what sort of Vampire they had to track...
After all, they didn't want to be eaten by a Vagina and not be properly packed with their heavy duty Vampire Tampons
Georgia yells send the men to the Vampire Tampon hut to gather what is needed. They all took off again... They were all running dodging branches that were trying to slow their progress down. Mab wildly brandishing her light saber... Then the Mother Goddess weld up inside Georgia and said "Mab dear put that thing down before you put someone's eye out!"
Running faster they started getting a little giddy... Draig had run ahead and ran a invisible rope across the path. There was a pile up of Grovers and we could all hear Draig cackling from behind a tree.
Just then it was brought to our attention that the men refused to go in the Vampire Tampon hut, much less picked the "damn things up". We asked Phoenyxa and Nancy if they'd mind going back... Georgia was heard grumbling something about damn men...
Meanwhile...
Hearthwitch slowly opened her eyes, aware of a dull pounding somewhere in the vicinity of her head. Blurred images gradually came into focus. She blinked, trying to rub her eyes but unable to move either hand. They were securly tied behind her. How had that happened?
She thought furiously, forcing her sluggish brain to recall the previous events. Yes, she had been working on a lovely new recipe for wassail for the Witchgrove Yule feast, and yes, she had gone a bit beyond the Grove for that last apple. That's when she had been attacked by a very large, voluptuous woman who had seemed harmless enough. Hmm. Where had she heard of that before?
Hearthwitch suddenly recalled Mab's discussion about the Eskimo's version of a vampire, and it struck her with startling clarity that what had attacked her had been just that. A vampire with teeth in her vagina that consumed her victim. That meant her!
Hearthwitch began to pray furiously that some of the Grovers realized she was missing and would find her. As she was doing that, something teased the back of her mind, from the dark, damp corner where she stored her information. Something slowly crawled forward and into the light, and she remembered that she had a very special advantage over the Vampire: she was a witch, and she was member of the best group of witches in the world. Hearthwitch changed her prayer into a ritual. Gathering energy from the cold ground below her, she began to chant, sending a single thought to her fellow Grovers,
"Get the Steel Tampon...Get the Steel Tampon...."
Hearthwitch sits, tied to a post on the outskirts of the Grove, cursing her numb hands and feet while she awaits her rescue from the other Grovers....
*ahem*
*hint*
BB,
Hearthwitch
The sunset on the horizon of the Grove was yet another spectacular display of light and clouds. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look. Roxanne sighed and said she was inspired and was going back to the Mod Hut and do some weaving. Branny ran for her camera so she could capture the essence of the sunset and get another award from WitchGrove Photography Monthly Magazine. Georgia was cold and told everyone to gather kindling for a fire.
Anna stood on the edge of the scene and watched everyone busily go about their tasks. It felt good to see everyone in their element. She was pleased with the scene but had this niggling feeling like they all forgot something. Bella's curling iron was turned off and Pixie's boom box was confiscated for the evening after the Grove was woken up to the screech of the Beastie Boys the other night. The cat had food and water, the faeries were fed and the vampire was dead.
"Shit!" Anna said while slapping her forehead, "We forgot to rescue Hearthwitch!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Anna. Georgia picked up the kindling Ivy dropped and calmly snickered, "That's what you get for not making a list."
Once the shock wore off, the rest of the Grove scurried around trying to find Hearthwitch. Rocks were overturned and the site was scoured for White Rabbits trying to coerce members into magical sinkholes.
"Does anyone know where they last saw Hearthwitch?!" Mab yelled from the rock pile in the corner.
To answer her question, a mighty Tarzan-like bellow was heard from behind the rarely used Lurker Hut on the Hill. Everyone turned and looked at the person on the hill who was wearing a faux leopard skin shirt and faux leather Jim Morrison trousers. His hair was slicked back into a lovely black pompadour.
"It's Matt.. aka Fell To Earth!" Cerr yelled from the mod hut. She couldn't get away because Elen was still holding on to her skirt and William spit up again.
A vine magically appeared from the air and FtE grabbed it and swung into the swampy area of the Grove. There was some rustling coming from the swamp and Anna was almost sure she heard someone say, "My hero!"
A few seconds later Mr. Earth came swinging out of the swamp carrying Hearthwitch on his hip. He gently dropped her in the Grove, turned to her and said, "Ma'am you best take care now." He tipped his hat and left the Grove as all the women swooned.
The day was saved and they all lived happily ever after.
The End.