She just didn't know anymore. The door closed softly behind her as she went for a walk. Why did she always find herself in the woods when she was in such a mood? The beauty she saw was all around her but it just didn't make her feel better. She continued walking hoping that her mood would lift.
The little birds flitted from branch to branch chirping and alarming the others. Squirrels were scurrying up trees barking their disapproval of her here. The crows were telling anyone within hearing distance someone was in the woods. The alert was out. Yet again she was feeling as if she didn't belong.
A fallen tree would make a good seat. She plopped heavily on the tree. It seemed like everywhere she went that someone didn't want her there. Tired, just bone tired and she felt it. She sat questioning things about herself. Why did she let people even matter to her. Why did she let them close enough to make her feel this way? Wouldn't it be easier to just live your life with no attachments? Ignore them all. Yes, find a place in the woods where no one was. Where she could be by herself and not have to worry whether people were going to make her heart hurt again.
She lay back on the tree and rested. She thought about everything and nothing at the same time.
Walking through the woods she found herself lost. It didn't frighten her but she just wondered where she was. Everything looked much brighter to her than it had. She saw a path off to the right so she followed it. It took her to a small cottage and so she approached. When she knocked on the door she just knew someone would open the door. The door eased open. "Hello?" she called. She looked in and it didn't appear that anyone lived there. It was deserted.
She looked around to see what may have been left behind. Maybe she could find a hint at who had lived here. There wasn't anything that gave her an idea of who had lived there. It was obvious that the cottage had been vacant for a long time. She decided to go back home, still not feeling any better. The path that she had took to the cottage looked different but she didn't notice. At the main path she realized that everything looked different. She panicked looking around to find her way. First one way then the other she tried. Not one way that she tried took her home and it was getting dark. Hurriedly she went back to the little cottage. At least she would have shelter for the night. She fell asleep in a corner.
When she awoke she found that the cottage was furnished. Quickly she jumped up thinking she had somehow found someone home. She called out to someone, anyone. There was no answer. After a couple of minutes she settled down and started looking around. This is just the way I would have decorated the cottage, she thought to herself. She sat in a chair to try and sort everything out. "Today I will go back out and find my way home" she said out loud. Secretly she hoped that she could.
Exploring the woods didn't bring her any closer to getting home. It was just so amazing though that she could always find her way back to the cottage. She was getting worried that she would never find her way home, ever.
The more she wondered the woods the more she felt like everything was going to be ok. She found that the birds and other animals weren't so frightened of her anymore. Earlier while exploring she had found a small creek that fell into a pool and continued on down the way. The clearing was perfect to sit and meditate. Everyday since she had found this place she went. It was becoming easier to let go. Sometimes afterwards she would take a swim in the pond. It wasn't big enough to be called much more than that. She would lay and let the sun dry her. By the pond she felt a peace that she had never felt before she felt here.
She had given up finding her way home. It just wasn't meant to be and she knew it. She had wished time and time again to be a hermit, a recluse. Well, she was now. Her wish had come true. These days she found herself skipping home or even dancing her way back. This day she almost danced into a young woman. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "I, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there." The woman smiled at her. The woman said "How long are you going to be staying here?" "I, um, is the cottage yours?" she asked. The young woman smiled a little more. "Well, no it isn't but don't you live somewhere else?"
She stood there thinking about the question. Yes, she did live some where else but she couldn't' find her way back. Again the young woman smiled, "I know that you can't find your way home." It took her by surprise, "What do you mean, you know?" "I've watched as we all have." The young woman replied. "We?" she asked. The young woman said yes. Right then she turned around and were gone. She was just gone!
Spinning round she looked everywhere. She ran back to the cottage. Dreaming, that's it she had to be dreaming. People just don't disappear like that. No they don't. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" she screamed to herself. She even pinched herself. It only hurt. Why do things have to be so confusing? She decided to give it no more thought.
The spot in the woods by the pond had become her favorite place to visit. She was just relaxing in the sun feeling how it caressed her face. This is how it should be no worries just this feeling of all things being right. They were staring at her when she opened her eyes. "How do you do that", she half screamed. "We didn't mean to frighten you" he said smiling at her. Quickly she scrambled to her feet while he spoke. "Well you did" she almost whispered. "Have you found the answer to what has plagued you" they asked. She stood there thinking how much their voices sounded like music. They were perfect looking and in that moment she knew who they were.
They were the God and Goddess she spoke with and here they were. Oh great I must be dead she thought to herself. She heard the words but they were not spoken. "You are not dead, you are very much alive." "Come with us" and they both beckoned her to follow them. She walked with them not behind them, they wouldn't let her. They walked on each side of her. She felt a tingling coming from them. Everything was right she knew this. They spoke to her of things that she had wondered on. "Funny" she thought, "that is what I had always believed" She heard "Why do you doubt yourself so?" Everything flooded back to her all her fears of not knowing. The what ifs, being laughed at for not knowing. Not being accepted for who you were. Not belonging anywhere. Rejection.
All of the pains in her past ran uncontrolled through her mind. She was afraid that she would get swept away in her emotions. She had forgotten that they stood beside her, and she cried. They both place a hand on her shoulders and said "We are still here." She looked at them and they still smiled a comforting smile. "We've never left you, and we want you to know that." "You have been given everything you need to handle this life you've chosen this time just as you were all the times before." She knew that they spoke the truth but life seemed so hard sometimes.
They took her hands and started walking again. How could she be so stupid for not understanding such a simple thing? "Life isn't simple dear." they said. "You have lessons to learn with each life. These are lessons that your soul has chosen to learn. Ever life your soul chooses the lessons that it need. If you do not accomplish the task in that life then you will have another life to learn the lesson." "And what if I don't learn that lesson in the second life" she asked. "Then you will be given another chance. You will continue until the lesson is learned. If need be then the lesson will become harder. It is up to you."
She hadn't noticed where they were going. "So, it's up to me to either hide from these lessons of learn them." "What if they become too much for me?" she asked. "We will never give you more than you can handle. It may seem, at the time that you cannot but afterward you will see. You will be stronger" he said. "When you need us call to us and we will hear you." "Never think you're alone."
She looked around and she was back to her woods, her home. She turned and said "I was lost, thank you for bringing me back." They placed their hands on her shoulder and said "Daughter we are always with you."
Her eyes opened and she was lying on the log. The same one she had fallen asleep on. Quickly she sat up and looked all around her. They were gone. She was alone except for the animals and the trees. Standing she stretched and she knew that everything was fine. She thanked the God and Goddess for helping her and ran for home.
'Hermit Story' by Georgia Langley
February 5, 2003